oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
