She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
