She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
