dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
