His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
