I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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