she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
