i barfeds in our rink
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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