Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
