Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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