i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
