i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just forgot I was standing up.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
