Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
