forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
