Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
