We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
