just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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