I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
