I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
