you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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