I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
