He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
