Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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