Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
