do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
