Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
