seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
