So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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