i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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