I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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