do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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