wat bout pragnant strippers??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
