He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my poor anus
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
