On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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