found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
