Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
