Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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