i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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