Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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