His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
