its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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