dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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