yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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