i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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