I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
