put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
