This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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