OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
