Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
