Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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