Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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