We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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