hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
