when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
