He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
